Black Hole
by darkchakram
Summary: Xena/Ares angst. Post-episode for Amphipolis Under Siege. Xena analyzes the day's battles. This is another re-post of a story I wrote years ago. It is a one-shot.


Black Hole

Post-ep for Amphipolis Under Siege

One-shot

Xena/Ares, Angst

Disclaimer: Don't own them. If I did Ares wouldn't have his heart broken nearly as much!

Xena's mind was still reeling from the day's battles as she laid Eve down in the old wooden cradle that had served as a baby bed for herself and her two brothers. Cyrene had pulled the old cradle out of the storage loft and moved it to Xena's bedroom. Xena examined the crude carving of the ram's head which decorated the cradle's footboard. She supposed that her father had carved the piece when her mother had been pregnant with Toris. Atrius had been hopeful, no doubt, that his first born would be a great warrior and a devotee of the God of War. Of one thing Xena was certain, her father would have never expected that of his three children the one who would grow to be a warrior and favorite of the war god would be his daughter. The same daughter he'd tried to sacrifice to his god.

Xena sat on the edge of the bed and replayed the day's events in her head. She'd simultaneously fought three tough battles and had somehow managed to come out on top. A little worse for the wear but she'd survived and so had Eve and Gabrielle. The battle against Athena and her elite archers had been hard fought. In the traditional military sense, it was a good day. And she wasn't at all ashamed that she harbored a deep sense of satisfaction from that victory. The battle against Ares, the battle of wills, did not leave her with the same sense of satisfaction. In fact, her manipulative ploy left her feeling dirty. She'd used his feelings for her against him. It was unfair, it was cold. She'd risen and dashed his hopes in the space of an afternoon. Definitely a dirty battle.

Xena didn't know why she even cared, which brought her to the third battle of the day. Her feelings for him. Gods, it had felt good to be in his arms. Xena gripped the edge of the bed at the powerful memory of his mouth on her. What was she going to do about Ares? How did he still have this effect on her? She'd won the battle against her desire today, but she was never sure she was going to win the war. His physical presence was overwhelming. He was a black hole to which she was gravitationally attracted. Luring her into the darkness. But it hadn't felt like darkness. It had felt like freedom. Had the tables turned? For the first time, in a long time, she felt like the bad guy. After all, she'd been the one to use his heart to get what she needed without regard to how it was going to hurt him. Ares had offered her an out. An escape from the gods and their mad campaign to kill her daughter. He would have held up his end of the deal, of that there was no question. He was in love with her. He would go to the ends of the Earth and beyond to be with her. She knew it would only take a word from her and he would whisk her and Eve to a dimension beyond the reach of the Olympians. He'd probably even let Gabrielle tag along. And gods, it was tempting to just give in.

And yes, it had felt good, too good, to be fighting side by side with him. If her daughter's very life hadn't been on the line, Xena could've gotten lost in it. Ares hadn't even hesitated when it came to defending her child, the child who according to prophesy would be his end. He'd even admitted to Athena that he was in love with Xena, Yet, when Xena was given the chance to thank him, she shot him down, she outright denied that she had any emotional attachment to him. Partly, she'd done it for Gabrielle's sake. Mainly, she'd done it because she knew if she gave an inch that the pull of the black hole would have accelerated at an exponential pace and she would've found herself lost in him, again.

Still, the painful longing in his eyes. The knot that she'd seen bobbing in his throat told her that she'd cut him deep. Ares had put himself out there and she'd made a game of it. She didn't know how much he could take. Love was new territory to him. She hoped her rebuff wouldn't harden him, rot his heart. If anyone needed to learn to love it was Ares. Xena feared that her repeated rejection would eventually cause him to give up on the idea of love altogether. She knew if he did, that he'd be worse than before. Pain did that to people. The more she thought about it, the dirtier she felt.

Xena felt like she needed to cleanse herself of the evil deed. She needed a bath. She looked out the window, the moon was high in the night sky. The town had settled down, the streets were vacant. Xena wondered if the thermal baths were free. She decided the walk would clear her head even if the baths were occupied. Xena rapped lightly on Lyceus' bedroom door.

"Come in," Gabrielle called from the other side.

Xena pushed the door open gently. She found the bard hard at work, writing by the oil lamp light.

"Everything okay?" The bard could see the stress etched on Xena's forehead.

"Yeah, I just wanna grab a quick bath. Can you look after Eve for a bit?"

"Sure thing." Gabrielle started packing up her stuff to carry into Xena's room. "You wanna talk about it? I promise, I'll try to keep an open mind."

Xena smiled a half-smile. She knew that Gabrielle was quickly becoming aware of her feelings for the God of War. She also knew that her friend wholly disapproved. Hell, Xena, herself, disapproved. She didn't want to have these feelings. She'd known the lust would never go away. For years, she'd convinced herself that she could live with the lust because it was just that, sexual desire and the desire for power. She'd spent years denying that her lingering feelings represented anything other than her darkside wanting to return to its source of fuel. But recently, she knew it was more. Maybe it had been the pregnancy forcing her to deal with emotions that she could normally tamp down. Whatever the reason, the ugly truth was there. She still loved him. Wanted him to be a man she could love. But he wasn't. They were bad for each other.

"Thank you, but no. I think I just need a hot bath."

"Well, enjoy. I've got Eve. If anything happens, I'll come for you right away."

"I think Athena is regrouping and grieving her lover, so I think we will be safe for the night. But don't hesitate if you feel any sense of danger."

"You know I won't." Gabrielle offered a tender smile. "Take care of you."

Xena pursed her lips, "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you, Gabrielle. You are my sun. My light."

Gabrielle gave her friend a hug before padding down the hall to the sleeping baby.

AXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

The baths were empty, a single torch lit the room which measured seven meters square. The actual pool could comfortably accommodate fifteen people. Xena was lucky to have it to herself. She supposed most folks were spending time with their families, thankful for being alive after facing down a goddess. Xena contemplated lighting the other torches but decided that the dim light suited her mood. She quickly undressed and pinned up her hair before sinking down into the steaming water. It felt like being enveloped by Ares' warm embrace. She shook her head trying to dislodge visions of his perfect mouth, smoldering eyes, strong body. She found the ledge which reclined at a slight angle allowing the bather to relax into the hot water. She rested her head against the rim of the bath.

The water worked its magic on her fatigued thigh muscles and eased the tightness in her lower back. A thin sheen of sweat broke out over her body from the heat. The sweat left the parts of her body that were exposed a bit chilly so she sunk a little lower into the pool so that she was submerged up to her neck. The water lapping along her collarbone was reminiscent of his masterful tongue. She closed her eyes, she could see him, lips parted in anticipation. She could feel herself pulling him in with her eyes, with her mouth, with her body. Yearning. Burning. Needing. Wanting. She felt her center swelling, readying herself for him. Her hand made its way there, She needed release. When she found herself slick and throbbing, she moaned.

"And here, I thought you felt nothing," he taunted from where he sat submerged on the other side of the pool.

Her eyes popped open. She closed her legs. He was crashing her private party.

"Oh, don't mind me, I was quite enjoying the show." Ares grinned.

She snarled.

"OOOOOh, you're sexy when you resist. But Xena, why do you fight what is so natural to you?"

Xena relaxed a little. He had her made. There was no use denying the attraction. "I felt something," she softly admitted.

"I know," As best as she could tell, he was nude. Like her, he was reclining against the edge of the bath. She couldn't see below his pecs. She could barely make out the top of downy hair that she knew trailed down his abs, and over his navel until it reached his most treasured spots. "Xena, don't you ever tire of the game? Do you ever long to share an authentic moment with me? One untainted by ulterior motives and manipulation?

"Yes," honesty flowed surprisingly freely from her larynx. She'd forgotten how clean frankness felt.

"Would you like to try it now?"

She nodded. He took her answer as permission to move closer.

When he rose out of the water, Xena could see his erection standing high against his lower belly. She ached to take it into her hands, caress it, guide it into her. As he neared, she didn't move away. Instead she parted her thighs and rose up to meet him, pulling his neck down so that she could give him a truthful kiss. When his lips closed over hers, she reached down and lovingly rubbed his member. She angled her hips and helped him into her. When he pushed inside, she'd reached the event horizon. Time stopped. There was no light, there was no dark, there was no existence outside of them. It was pure bliss. Oneness. Unity.

Then at once, she was choking, no, not choking, drowning. Xena's eyes snapped open. She was underwater. Where was she? Without panicking, she found her footing and stood. She scanned the room. She was still alone. She'd fallen asleep and slipped off the edge. He'd never been there at all. The thought disturbed her. Why hadn't he come? She thought that he'd surely seek her out tonight once she was free of Gabrielle. Was that why she'd come to the baths? To give him an opening? She realized that it was. She'd been hoping that he would have come. Had she been hoping that her dream scenario would have played out? Yes, yes, she had been. Why hadn't he come? She remembered the pain, the anguish in his eyes when she'd told him she felt nothing. She was killing the love in him. Whatever goodness, what light that lurked inside of him, she was snuffing it out. He wasn't her black hole. She was his!


End file.
